Why Yoga?

This is something that I can only discuss and answer from a personal perspective. Many people I know look to Yoga for its physical benefits. We all know that Yoga can tone your legs & abdominals. It can give you great arms and some striking collarbones. Then there are persons who look to Yoga for its health and wellness benefits. The poses that help with digestion, thyroid function, back pain, head aches and much more. And then there are the ones who look to Yoga for the mental benefits. The ability to slow and calm the mind and has positive reactions on on depression, anxiety and many other mental health issues.

For me? Why Yoga?

I stumbled across the practice 3 1/2 years ago when one of my good friends at the time, invited me to one of her yoga classes. At the time, I was fresh out of a long term relationship and was at an all time low. My heart was shattered, my mind was stressed and my spirit was broken. I decided that this couldn't hurt. I had put on about 30 lbs (the love weight) and wasn't greatly interested in returning to the rat race of gym life that I previously lived in my younger years. I had recently been diagnosed with severe anemia which affected my day to day life adversely. Because of this, I changed my lifestyle, eventually giving up meat, dairy and animal by-products.

Classes were on a Tuesday afternoon every week and from the first class, I knew that my interest was peaked. My love for Yoga slowly grew. I went from worrying about how high I could lift my leg to focusing my attention on my breath, setting an intention for my practice and learning to block out external distractions and turn my thoughts inward and remain in the present moment.

My practice became the highlight of my week. I couldn't wait for class the next week and started looking at online videos and practicing poses that challenged me. I said to myself, if I can overcome so many things that could have completely torn me to shreds, I can learn how to focus myself and get challenging poses like Dancers Pose, Crow Pose and Wheel Pose.

Soon I was practicing at least four times a week. I was learning and growing enough to practice at home (something that should only be done when you've learnt the fundamentals) and seeing myself achieve things that I didn't think I could do, gave me so much more incentive and motivation.

As my practice progressed, I decided that I wanted to do more than just practice Yoga. I realized that I wanted to learn more in depth about the practice and its history and eventually I wanted to become a teacher. I tried for the majority of 2017 to enroll into a school, to acquire the financing for same, and nothing and I mean nothing was working out for me. I couldn’t catch a break and felt so down trodden and like I couldn’t achieve anything.

Then in January 2018, I won a Partial Scholarship for a Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) in Bali, Indonesia at the Pranashama Institute. I couldn’t believe that I was able to do that and then, panic ensued. How am I going to pay for the rest of the course? The scholarship is only for 15% of the tuition. How am I paying the rest? How am I reaching to Bali? BY MYSELF?? And the usual fear that I experience crept back up into my throat and then into my mind.

Now, I am not the biggest risk taker honestly. I’m usually the one who takes the safer road. No bungee jumping or jet skiing for me. I like my two feet on the ground thank you. But I’ll be honest. I was so scared. But, I also said, I need to do this. I don’t want to take the safe route and let me tell you, I made the right decisions. Doors began opening up. Finances started coming on stream, flights were being booked, visas were acquired, immunization done. There was no roadblock for any step of this journey, no instances where I would second guess what I was doing.

I was like wait, this Caribbean woman, this Trini woman who has never passed New York & Miami, is heading to where? Indonesia? Half way across the world? By MYSELF? Holy Cow!!!! and Lo and behold, in June 2018 I left for 45 days to begin a journey that would eventually change my life and my outlook on it.

The lessons that I learnt, the experiences that I had, the people that I met along this journey will stay with me for the rest of my life. I was not prepared for the spiritual awakening and the physical toll on my body. I wasn’t ready for how much I would miss my family and my friends. I definitely was not ready for how much I would miss the sound of a Trini accent.

When I returned I thought that I wanted to align myself with an existing studio. I would apply and hopefully teach there but nope, that didn’t happen. No one was really interested in hiring an unknown in the Yoga industry. I didn’t really know many Yoga Instructors before heading to my training and the yogis that I interacted with were all students like myself so I didn’t have anyone to really help me get my feet wet.

That’s when I decided to get my feet wet. I thought that if I waited to get hired by a studio I would probably not teach for months or may be as long as a year so I started offering classes at Jean Pierre Complex twice a week. I charged a nominal fee to get people interested and attract persons to the practice without killing them with price. Then I got picked up by a Spin Studio in October 2018 to teach classes once a week and then by Grit Fit TT in November 2019 to teach on a Saturday morning. Things seemed like they were coming along. People started referring to me as the “Yoga Girl”.

I hadn’t decided what sobriquet I would like to be known as until a friend of mine referred to me as the Amber Yogi because of my yellow skin tone and thus I took on the name Amber Yogini (thanks Alicia).

In January 2019 another opportunity presented itself. I was offered a commercial spot on Caroni Savannah Road in Charlieville to open a Yoga Studio. I was in shock and again fear reared its miserable little self into my head. “Is this something that I can do?’ “How will you get clients?” “Can you even run a business?”

I took the leap of faith and said to myself that God would not put an opportunity in front of me to watch me fail. If I fail, it would be because I did it to myself. And true talk no lie, everything went smoothly for the opening of the business. From financing, to registration and décor, the concept that I had in mind turned into a reality. No roadblocks, no hitches, nothing. Just smooth, smooth sailing.

On February 19, 2019, Amber Yogini Wellness Studio opened its doors with just two clients. I cried so much and was so scared to teach my first class at my very own studio. In the past year, I have found myself facing fears, taking risks and pushing myself to achieve the things that I once thought unachievable.

Was opening a business easy?           No!!!!

Is it scary?                                           Hell yes!!!!

Am I fearful that it might not work?  Very much so!!!!

Is it successful right out the gate?     No!!!!

Am I willing to give up?                       HELL NO!!!!

So, to answer the question, why yoga?

Yoga has taught me to push myself. Not just with my poses but also, in my life. Not to settle for less because I am afraid. Not to limit myself because I don’t know what the future might hold.

Yoga and the yogic lifestyle has taught me to look inward and listen to myself. Trust myself and my instincts. It  taught me to find that quiet place in my mind and learn what I need for myself in mind, body and spirit.

Yoga and meditation has taught me that I can find happiness and peace away from the noise of life and people and find the ability to meld my breath with the calming of my mind.

Yoga and mantras have taught me to open my heart and my spirit to the universe and everything that is waiting for me and to let things flow with openness and faith.

Yoga has taught me that I am whoever I want to be and that I can continue to develop into a better version of me.